Monday, July 23, 2012

Desolation, was it? Or was it not.

I would say I'm an interesting girl, its easy for me to make friends, I've no problem to mingle and to come up with topics to talk about to any strangers I met. I can go on and on about anything, you tell me your preferences topic and I can talk about it on and on and I don't even have to know any single thing about it beforehand. So let's just say, I'm friendly. And jovial. Yeah right, lets just stop with the bragging self part right now.

So problem is, why do I always find myself stuck in the lowest level of loneliness? Like major lonely. This is not like, I'm lonely. This is I'm very lonely for god sake someone please be my friend. LOL, ok that's way exaggerative.

When the first time I heard about my offer to further my studies in India, I was like Yeay, I got the scholar! And some excitement, and some more excitement. Ya ya, so as my friends slowly one by one left Malaysia for Egypt, Canada, UK, Jordan and some more countries that I can't think of or seem to remember. Everytime they leave Malaysia, my batchmates/schoolmates would be flocked (I don't think this is the right word to use, I wanna say, berkumpul like gathered sesak sesak, ?? ahh drop it, you know what I meant) at the airport (KLIA) to send em off. Sending someone off for abroad studying may sounds like just another group/friends activities which is almost insignificant to anyone. But you see, for me it is different, it is a sign of how many friends you have, how many are willing to be there for you for your so called farewell.

So for me, I'm definitely frightened and nervous right now of who will be there during my departure, to be true, I don't really have a clique, or a gang. Or anything one should called a group of friends which is guaranteed to be your friends circle. Friends who will definitely/surely visit you when you're sick and are admitted to the hospital, or friends whom you ask to go to vacations with you, who surprise you during your birthday and who are there for you when you cry.

Yes I do have some friends, but you know...not many. I would like to have friends whom I grow old with. Whom I would have brunch or dinner with, whom my kids would look at and say 'mummy's bestfriends'. Guess I haven't really found the right person, or maybe I wan't destined to become those people.

P/s: I'm really jealous of Ted Mosby's and his gang relationship on HIMYM.

P/s: My mum doesn't have a bestie and I surely do not want to end up like her.

P/s: If you donno HIMYM, GOOGLE IT!

I'm starting to think most posts I made is all emotional, urgh, I'm not depressed or miserable, it's just that I write when I am. Love, xoxo.

Me & Colleagues. A pic from 2011.

1 comment:

  1. You going to further your study at India? Cool! What course you'll be taking?
    As you mentioned, a lot of your friend had went abroad too right? So there won't be many left to send you to d airport.. So don't feel sad when the number of people sending you off is not as expected. ;p *I'm sorry if I'm talking non-sense here*

    Nyway, first time here and done hitting the follow button. Do hit me back k.. Cheers! :)